Assertiveness and Confidence

We fall short of our ideal

The way we feel about ourselves has considerable influence over the way we manage ourselves — at work, in relationships and in our social lives. We may have an image of the way we would like to be, but feel that the reality falls far short of it. This, in turn, can affect our confidence in the way we go about our daily affairs. We may find we aren't achieving our goals, or feeling fulfilled at home or at work. The words and actions of others may seem to undermine us. We begin to lose faith in ourselves, in our ability to "make it" in life.

Can't say "No"

Many of us are so eager to help others (and so fearful of their rejection of us) that we always say yes to any request — and often regret it. People get to know who's a soft touch and they take advantage of our good nature. We allow others to get their way, we may even be bullied into doing what we don't want to do. It must be said that we probably don't tell others what we want or don't want, or how we feel about their behaviour towards us.

It would be good to be assertive, to get our needs met as well as those of others. Being assertive isn't about being aggressive. It's about expecting others to respect us and our rights and respecting ourselves at the same time. It's about being able to say "no", to ask for what you want without feeling you're asking too much.

The Role of Counselling

Counselling can help, over time, to restore self-belief, increase confidence and establish an assertive way of being. A good relationship with a counsellor can help you to see yourself in a different light, to appreciate aspects of yourself you had never even noticed before. It can give you the support you need to evaluate yourself and to try out different ways of being. The process may be difficult at times, but part of the counsellor's role is to be alongside you during your journey of self-discovery.